Category: Grow

            College is important for many reasons, not just to acquire knowledge about a specific subject matter. When I was attending the university I think I found out more about myself than I did the actual material presented in my classes and text books. It is with this outlook that I write about what I see as the most important part of being a college student.

            There are two ways that higher education can help us reach our goals and aspirations. The first, and most obvious, is the knowledge and skills we can learn to help us establish ourselves in a career. The other way, and one not so obvious, is the personal self-growth that each person can experience while attending college and taking in all that external knowledge. It is that internal learning process that will also make a difference in attaining the goals and aspirations that we have for our lives.

            The first way to achieve our career goals is through the expertise we attain in college, both from our general education classes and from our focus on a major area of interest. Although many students tend to shun the importance of the general education classes we are all forced to take, the fact is that this overview of the different disciplines is vital to the person seeking success in the ever-changing world we see around us today. Without this broad basis of knowledge, and hopefully accompanying understanding of many different areas of interest, we may not have the flexibility and adaptability necessary to succeed in the 21st century world.

            Equally important in the pursuit of our career goals will be an area of intense focus and dedication. Students who acquire knowledge and understanding in the area of their interest will be able to transfer this specialization into a rewarding career easier than someone who has no particular focus or direction to their studies. Immersing ourselves in a major, living it for several years, eating it, sleeping with it and driving our friends crazy by talking about nothing else, means we have taken ownership of this field. It is no longer just something that we study, it is now something we live.  It is this intensity and level of commitment to a major that can help us reach those lifelong career goals and ambitions.

            An education that has both depth and breadth is important, and when such an education is combined with the other part of our learning experience, the internal self-growth process, it can provide us with the elements needed to reach any goal. Learning about ourselves is a critical factor that needs to happen while learning about our studies, for it is this knowledge of self that will enhance our chance for success throughout all aspects of our life.

            As we go through the college experience and internalize the knowledge acquired in classes we can gain insight into our own values and beliefs. It will be important to process new information, then combine it with past experiences, past knowledge, personal morals, values, and beliefs. For example, as we learn about people of other cultures in Intracultural Socialization, we will also learn more about our own culture. As we learn about the environment in a Life Science class, we can learn about how we fit in the world and our responsibility to it. It is this learning about the world around us that will also affect the way we see ourselves in that world. 

            Another way a student’s self-growth process is influenced as they attend college is through the relationships they form with the other students and the instructors in which they come in contact. One way we can gain insight to ourselves is through the mirror of the people around us, and college definitely offers us a wide range of reflections by which to learn. In addition, some of the most meaningful relationships we will form can start in college. Friendships will be made that can last a lifetime between students who first met in college. Professors will often become mentors and role models, thus having great influence on our personal growth. All of these relationships will help us gain a better understanding of ourselves and how we fit in the world.

            Of course, having fun at college by participating in sports, maybe even attending parties can also be part of the college experience. It is through all of these different aspects of college, learning, growing, and having fun, that we can gain a good understanding of ourselves and a good understanding of the world around us.

            What can you learn about yourself while getting your education? Additionally, what can you learn about others and the world around you and how can you use that knowledge to be a better person and a better citizen?

Change, Grow, Evolve

©bcreed

I was playing one of my Solitaire games the other day on my laptop and was thinking about my score.  I had 27 losing hands, and only 7 winning hands.  Yet, my total score was in the positive; I was still winning the game.

I thought about how sometimes in my life I feel that I am losing more times than I am winning, and I can get discouraged.  For example, I am feeling my old age, 77 years to be exact.  And I cannot do all the things I used to be able to do.

I cannot remember all the things I used to easily remember.

I cannot physically do all the things I used to be able to easily do.

I cannot drive on all the long trips I used to do.

I cannot always be with the people I used to have in my life, cannot hug and love on all of them as I used to do.

I cannot . . . I cannot . . . I cannot . . .

Yes, all of this is true.  There are many things in my life that I cannot do as easily as I used to be able to do.  However, when I look at my life overall I can see that I am still in positive territory; I am still winning.

I am still able to remember many of the important things.  I remember the times I succeeded in my careers and in my educational goals.  I remember the times my children and grandchildren are so loving and caring toward me.  I remember all the blessings God has offered me throughout my life, especially the ones that came when I needed them the most.

I am physically able to get around pretty well.  I am able to walk the dogs every day and do many household chores.  Most of the time I still feel generally healthy.

I am still able to drive on my own, including some long distances.  I am able to safely, (mostly safely) handle myself behind the wheel of a car.

I can cherish the friends and family still in my life with whom I can hug, I can visit with, and I can love unconditionally. 

Like most of us, my life has consisted of both some losing times and some winning times. For both, I am grateful.  The losing times help me grow as a person, while the winning times remind me of the preciousness of life.

What are your winning times?

Change, Grow, Evolve

       I have been playing too many computer/online games lately. How do I know this, you ask? Well, there are many signs. The battery in my iPads (yes, I have more than one) need to be charged way more often. My right hand, the one that I use to move my mouse, is getting sore more often. Etc, etc, etc.

       One of the other signs that I am playing games too often is that from time to time I end up relating parts of the game play to my life in some way. For example, there is an Undo button in some of my games. This allows me to undo a move that I find out could have less than a positive result in the game I am playing. This Undo button is useful once I make another move and then with the new resulting knowledge, I realize that a different choice in moves would have better results. I have decided that I would like to have such an option in my real life, not just in my game life. I would like to Undo some of my life choices!

       There have been times in my life where I made what I thought was the best move, the best decision if you will. However, as time went on and I experienced the results of that decision, I could tell that a different move, a different decision, would have been better. This is where a button to Undo would be beneficial. If only the decisions that I have made in the past, especially the ones that may have caused others pain, could be changed.  If only my life had that Undo button!

       Maybe, as you look back on your life decisions, your life moves, you too could use that Undo button. Have there been times when a decision you made caused pain to others, even though that was not your intention? Knowing what you know now, would you like to have the ability to Undo any decisions? I know I would. Of course, there is no life Undo button to click on to remedy hurt feelings and damaged relationships.

       Wait, there may be something we can do! In many games, and even in some of my computer applications, along with that Undo button is a Redo button. Maybe we can pretend we have a life Redo button that we could use to help us repair and improve our relationships with our family, with our friends, with our work colleagues. While we cannot Undo what we have already done, I believe we can make things better in our relationships by asking those whom we have hurt for a Redo moment. A moment to make amends, a moment to express regret for the hurt we have caused, a moment to ask for forgiveness and a chance to connect again in a meaningful way.  A moment to Redo.

Change, Grow, Evolve

When I went out to my garage the other morning, I found my car battery was dead. I had left the interior light on the night before (when I was trapped in my car by my seat belt, but that’s another story).  That small, tiny light brought my SUV to its knees.  My big car was rendered useless by a little voltage light!

To fix my dead car battery there needed to be jumper cables, another source of power, and some knowledge of how to make the connection work, while keeping everything safe.  Some help from the folks at AAA was also required!

Sometimes in my life I feel like my own personal battery is dead.  Every so often I feel drained of power.  It seems that some of my smallest decisions can render my life at least temporarily ineffective.  Do you ever feel this way?

When our own personal life battery is dead, what can we do to get revitalized?  How will we connect to another source of power? What form of “jumper cables” will we need to connect to that source?  Will we phone, text, email, or will we need an in-person visit? Who among our family and friends will be a source of positive power for us (our own personal AAA) and help us get recharged, reenergized?  Will it be an easy recharge, or will it take more than a little effort?

On the other side of this analogy, it makes sense to look at the people in our lives who are draining us of energy.  What tiny issue, like my tiny interior car light, is going to drain the life out of you or I?  Even some of the most trivial experiences or conversations with others can have a large impact on us and our energy.  Maybe it is my age, or my recent health challenges, but I want to avoid the people who are negative influences and deplete me of my energy.  

The good news is that you and I can recharge our own internal battery any time we choose.  Sometimes we can do it all by ourselves, all we need is an easy fix, a quick jumpstart.  Other times we may need more; we may need the help of others.  We need to look for the people in our lives that can give us a positive charge.  

Who will be that positive source of power for you?

Change, Grow, Evolve

©bcreed

 As we struggle to make a good life for ourselves, it can be easy to blame our past for all our problems.  At times we may want to blame our parents and our childhood as the whole reason we are the way we are, and our life is the way it is.  While there is much research on the effects of childhood on a person’s development, it should not be used as an excuse for how we live our lives today. 

I had a very chaotic and violent childhood with an apathetic mother, an uninvolved father, and an abusive brother.  My father was out of the picture early on, doing what he did best – taking advantage of others, drinking, and gambling.  My mother wanted me to just leave her alone, to use her words “don’t bother me.” Don’t bother her with the fact that my brother was beating me up on a regular basis or abusing me in other ways.  Just don’t bother her.

This childhood resulted in my looking for a way out of the house as soon as possible.  So, I did just that.  Instead of going to college as I had always wanted to do after high school, I got married and moved out.  I made a life for myself, be it a challenging life.  The marriage lasted fourteen years.  Throughout the ups and downs of this part of my life I believe I still developed into what I am today, a good person with successful careers and healthy people in my life. In my mind, there is no blaming those early years for my struggles; instead, I chose to celebrate them because those years helped me develop some of the best parts of myself.

However, I do sometimes think about all that could have been if only my childhood had been different, if only my parents had been healthy and supportive.  I definitely would not have gotten married so young and would have pursued my dream of going to college right after high school.  Maybe I could have been a doctor.  Maybe I could have been a scientist.  Maybe I could have gotten a PhD.  Maybe I could have been a teacher.

Putting all the maybes aside, in time I decided to create my own experiences and I actually did become an educator, teaching both in the business world and at colleges and universities.  In spite of not going to college myself until later in life, I found a way to make one of my dreams come true, regardless of growing up in a less than healthy environment.  I learned it is up to me, up to all of us, to decide what we can do now to achieve our goals and fulfill our dreams, in spite of early negative experiences.

What did you do or become in spite of difficult childhood experiences?

Most importantly, what can you do now to make a difference, both for yourself and for the people around you?  

Change, Grow, Evolve  

©bcreed

I believe that all human beings are given a gift from God.  A gift that is to be shared with the world.  A gift that a person may not even know they have, but a gift that will show itself in many small ways during a person’s lifetime.

This gift will resonate inside a person and come out as a passionate interest or activity.  Unfortunately, many of us go through our lives not paying attention to this internal process, for sometimes the world we live in gets in the way.  Our fears and doubts about ourselves can be a barrier to acknowledging and celebrating our gift. This special gift each of us has may be what helps us get through the hard times we experience.  That was the case for me.  

I have always had writing as part of my life.  When growing up in a chaotic household I used writing to get myself to another place.  I wrote stories about experiences I wanted to happen, places I wanted to be, and people I wished were in my life.  Eventually I became an adult and still found that writing, in one form or another was important and meaningful to me.  

As a business person, mostly in sales and marketing, I used my writing skills to create business plans and compose proposals for increasing my customer base.  When I was finally able to attend college late in life, I looked forward to the class writing assignments and I always preferred essay type tests over multiple-choice examinations.  As a college professor I enjoyed reading my students’ essays and helping them improve their writing skills.  

Over the years, decades really, my daughter has heard me say I am supposed to write.  I do believe it is my gift, my talent, or my whatever you want to call it.  Writing literally may have saved my life, or at least my sanity, growing up so I feel I need to honor this gift today and pursue different writing opportunities.  Thus, I started this blog a couple of years ago.  

However, I keep putting off the writing; I do not know why but I do.  I start many writing projects but do not always finish them.  I have many ideas and many potential articles on my computer.  I know that being successful in writing begins with, you guessed it, writing!  Getting started with writing will lead to more writing, will lead to better writing, will lead to good writing, may even lead to great writing.  Therefore, I need to get started.  But will I?  

What is your gift?  How will your gift benefit the world?  How will using your gift benefit you?   

Change, Grow, Evolve

©bcreed

I haven’t posted much lately; besides waiting for inspirational thoughts and ideas to happen, there is another reason for my lack of blogging.

I have spent the last month finding out how difficult even the easiest tasks can be when only one hand is available for use.  The fact is, I broke my wrist in February.  Since that time I have been x-rayed, had bones realigned (that was fun!), put in a splint and sling, been x-rayed again, had surgery which included attaching some metal device to my bone with screws, put in another splint and sling, been x-rayed yet again, and most recently put in a removable brace.  It has been an arduous last 30 days.

Thus, typing was not going to happen for a while.  It was interesting, and sometimes hard, to accept all the other things I could not do for myself with only one usable hand.

I could not tie my shoe laces

I could not take a shower unless my arm was wrapped in a trash bag

I could not always complete getting dressed without help

I could not fasten my own car seatbelt

I could not open a bottle of water

I could not open that annoying childproof prescription container,

(I had difficulty doing this when I had two working hands, LOL)

I could not floss my teeth in the normal manner

I could not cut my own food

I could not drive

I could not walk the dogs

There was also one new thing that has come about since my accident.  I had, and still have, new concerns about falling again.  I try to put my fears aside, but they linger.  I have never had this type of injury before and it has made me a bit nervous about going about my normal activities. 

In spite of all this I am now doing well, recovering and becoming more self-sufficient each day.  As you can see, I am even able to do a little typing!  My pain decreases each day and the doctor says my wrist is healing nicely. 

As I start to be able to do all the things listed above on my own I am reminded of the resiliency that is in all of us.  No matter the challenges we face, we will continue to change, grow, and evolve. 

©bcreed

Throughout this year, throughout my cancer journey, there were decisions that had to be made.  Important decisions, life altering decisions, life saving decisions.  Some were easier than others, at least for me.

Hearing that you have cancer (via a phone call no less) is something no one expects to hear, and certainly no one wants to hear.  But after that comes decision time.

Do I endure chemotherapy?  Do I have surgery?  Do I undergo radiation?  This was the three step treatment plan the oncologist laid out for me on my first visit with him.  I had decisions to make.

I never hesitated starting treatment right away, because I could feel the size of the tumor in my armpit, could feel it getting bigger.  I easily made the decision to have chemotherapy and accepted all the possible negative side effects and long term effects of that form of cancer treatment. Once chemotherapy was completed, it came time to face another difficult decision.

Making the decision to have surgery was not as simple for me.  I knew that removing my lymph nodes could bring about life long consequences.  Since chemo had shrunk my tumor so much it was no longer visible in the scan images, I was reluctant to have surgery.  However, after long discussions with my doctors, I made this tough decision too.  I decided to have the surgery.

Once healed from the surgery, I faced yet another decision –radiation treatment.  After surgery, the biopsy results from my lymph node dissection were negative for any cancer.  Good news for sure, but the doctors still wanted me to undergo radiation therapy.  Again, this was a difficult decision for me.  I knew radiation treatments were going to be grueling, five days a week for five to six weeks with the likelihood of some uncomfortable side effects.  Since the scan and the biopsy of the lymph nodes showed no cancer, I wondered why I needed radiation.  However, the radiation oncologist was patient with me and provided me with the information I needed.  I was told that having radiation meant that I had only a 5% chance of reoccurrence; without radiation there would be a 30% chance of reoccurrence.  I opted to have the radiation knowing it was the best option to stay cancer free.  This was going to be the last decision regarding my cancer treatment that I needed to make, or so I thought!

It seems my doctors have other ideas for me.  They are now recommending that I start hormonal therapy, an oral medication to be taken daily for 5 years.  Yes, you read that correctly, five years.  This form of  treatment blocks estrogen production and is thought to prevent new cancer growth in breast cancer patients. Unfortunately, there are also significant possible side effects with this treatment.

It is decision time for me once again!

Change, Grow, Evolve

©bcreed

I

I am

I am looking

I am looking for

I am looking for hair

I know it may seem ridiculous that I, a cancer patient, a recent chemotherapy recipient, have already started to look for new hair growth on my mostly bald head.  But the truth is I am doing just that.

It has been only one month since I had my last chemo infusion so I know it is unlikely that my hair will have started to grow back yet.  Still, here I am in front of a mirror each day (sometimes more than once a day) trying to figure out if my hair has started to return to my head.

I did not lose all my hair so there is some hair on my head and it is of different lengths.  As a result, I find it hard to know if the shorter hairs were there before chemotherapy or if they are part of my new post-chemo growth.  Only time will tell.

Meanwhile,

I

I am

I am still

I am still looking

I am still looking for

I am still looking for hair

Change, Grow, Evolve

©bcreed

They are called side effects.  A generic term for some not so generic consequences of chemotherapy.  Side effects are the aftermath of poison being infused into our body as a treatment for cancer.  Side effects vary from person to person.  The types of chemo drugs used also vary and can cause different side effects.  That is what we are told when we meet with an oncologist.  They mention, almost in passing, the possible side effects of treating our cancer with chemotherapy.  Most of us have heard of some of the more common side effects:  nausea, vomiting, loss of appetite, fatigue, diarrhea.   And let us not forget one of the more distressing side effects for many – the loss of all our hair.

What is not mentioned by our doctors are what I call the “wide effects.”  The wide, far reaching effects to the lives of those who love and care about us.  While our friends and families do not suffer from vomiting or nausea or hair loss, or other side effects of chemo drugs, suffer they do.  Those who love us are experiencing this devastation right along with us.  As we, the cancer patients, go through our treatment and its consequences, our friends and family have consequences too. They have the “wide effects.”

No one warned us of these wide effects; the hurts and fears and anxieties that our friends and families were likely to experience.  We are offered medication to help soften some of our side effects, but what can our loved ones take to soften the wide effects that our treatment may cause them?  How do we help the loved ones who try to hide their overwhelming fear of losing us, as they cry in private so we do not see their grief?  What can be done to help them get through what may be the worst time of not just our life, but of their life as well. 

At our appointments there was no discussion on how to prepare our family members for what was to come, the side effects they would see happening to us after each infusion.  Our loved ones have to hear or sometimes see the retching, the vomiting, the fatigue.  They are  the ones who watch as our hair falls out all over the house, falls out until there is no more hair left on our head.  There was no focus on how to help the people who see us in pain and see us struggle with the side effects of our chemotherapy. 

As we experience our chemotherapy side effects, our families and friends experience their wide effects.  They worry about us and suffer along with us.  We can see that their concerns over us are causing them pain too.  This in turn causes us to worry about them and so we may try to hide how we are feeling or how much we are hurting. 

Which is worse?  Having cancer or watching someone you love have cancer? 

Change, Grow, Evolve

©bcreed