As we struggle to make a good life for ourselves, it can be easy to blame our past for all our problems. At times we may want to blame our parents and our childhood as the whole reason we are the way we are, and our life is the way it is. While there is much research on the effects of childhood on a person’s development, it should not be used as an excuse for how we live our lives today.
I had a very chaotic and violent childhood with an apathetic mother, an uninvolved father, and an abusive brother. My father was out of the picture early on, doing what he did best – taking advantage of others, drinking, and gambling. My mother wanted me to just leave her alone, to use her words “don’t bother me.” Don’t bother her with the fact that my brother was beating me up on a regular basis or abusing me in other ways. Just don’t bother her.
This childhood resulted in my looking for a way out of the house as soon as possible. So, I did just that. Instead of going to college as I had always wanted to do after high school, I got married and moved out. I made a life for myself, be it a challenging life. The marriage lasted fourteen years. Throughout the ups and downs of this part of my life I believe I still developed into what I am today, a good person with successful careers and healthy people in my life. In my mind, there is no blaming those early years for my struggles; instead, I chose to celebrate them because those years helped me develop some of the best parts of myself.
However, I do sometimes think about all that could have been if only my childhood had been different, if only my parents had been healthy and supportive. I definitely would not have gotten married so young and would have pursued my dream of going to college right after high school. Maybe I could have been a doctor. Maybe I could have been a scientist. Maybe I could have gotten a PhD. Maybe I could have been a teacher.
Putting all the maybes aside, in time I decided to create my own experiences and I actually did become an educator, teaching both in the business world and at colleges and universities. In spite of not going to college myself until later in life, I found a way to make one of my dreams come true, regardless of growing up in a less than healthy environment. I learned it is up to me, up to all of us, to decide what we can do now to achieve our goals and fulfill our dreams, in spite of early negative experiences.
What did you do or become in spite of difficult childhood experiences?
Most importantly, what can you do now to make a difference, both for yourself and for the people around you?
Change, Grow, Evolve
©bcreed
Senior Metamorphosis Moments 